8-Tips on How to Transition from Parenting Your Child to Parenting Your Teen
Parenting Your Teen –From Middle School Thru High School
To start this discussion,I wanted to go over Kohlberg’s theory of moral development. Level one of this theory talks about the preconventional morality which covers birth to nine years old. Kohlberg thought that within this time span that children have little to no personal code of morality. They don’t sit there and think, “is this theright thing to do?” He suggested that a child’s moral code is shaped by the standards of the adults around them andthe benefits and consequences of compliance to the morals of those around them. Moral compliance is determined by the adults around the child;therefore they watch the adults around them to see what is being modeled for them and they will learn from this as well as being punishedfor things that are perceived to be wrong or a negative that they have done, based on the opinions of the adults around them. Therefore, morals will change from family to family as well as from teacher to teacher. Eventually as a child ages they will say,“okay, if I do this thing, am I going to get in trouble, and is the reward greater than the punishment?” Stage Oneis obedience and punishment avoidance. Within this stage Kohlberg discusses that if a person is punished and they must have done wrong. Therefore, the child learns right from wrong mainly by being punished. This is egocentric, centrated, dichotomous thinking (pre-operational thought). Kids within the age of birth to nine years old tend to think very egocentrically and dichotomously. For example, they might see someone getting in trouble and think that person must have done something wrong because they got in trouble. So,for this child they are not thinking about what they did but rather in very simple terms that they did something wrong and that’s why they got in trouble. In their minds there is no other explanation for what happened. Therefore, this is in line with preoperational thought. As they get older, stage to a preconventional morality is individualism and exchange. Within this stage, kids start to think that there might be several different points of view. So rather than simply believing that someonedid something wrong because they got in trouble, they might start to question what they did wrong and question the punishment for what that person did. Therefore, they are beginning to recognize that there can be multiple “right” views in each situation. Within this stage they start to recognize that there are different perspectives within different situations and that different individuals have different viewpoints. This is where they start to get out of the dichotomous thinking during this stage. This isin line with concrete operational thought where they can see that perhaps Mom has a different perspective than dad and one person might giveout a punishment for a behavior while the other person might think that the behavior is OK. So,the child can now start to see that the world is not black and white but rather there are gray areas within our thoughts and behaviors.
not question it, therefore, they might feel like they don’t live up to the standards that those around them have set. However, if they questioned these standards or perceptions,they would be able to determine if they believed that the standards were okay or irrational. For example, if someone around them has repeatedly said or behaved in a way that a person needs to be successful in order to be lovable and being successful is having a lot of money or having a prominentjob title, they might believethat they need to have these things in order to be lovable or likable. Within this stage kids are taking in what those around them are saying and if a child is not able to distinguish between what they believe to be importantor true, and what they are role models see as important or true they might start to take on the beliefs of those around them as well as the morals of those around them. Within level two of Kohlberg‘s theory of moral development cognitive reasoning tends to be based on the norms of thepeer group one is within. A peer group could consist of friends, a school sports team, family members, or a partner and their family. Usually as children grow,they start to see different perspectives and question the values of others and decide what values they want to have for themselves, and as they do this they tend to grow in confidence and self-esteem and believethat they are making good choices. In stage three within level two of Kohlberg’s theory is good interpersonalrelationships. Children will also start to question and consider what makes them a good person, a good person for themselves as well as a good person within their peer groups, as well as a good person within society. They will begin to look at their role models and think about what makes them a good person and consider what they would like to do or how they would like to behave so that they will bethought of as a good person as well. As parents, we have some control and, I believe, a parental obligation to sit with our kids and have a conversation either nightly or a few times per week to see what is being said within their peer groups, at school from teachers, at sports functions, at friends’houses, etc. to find out what some of the discussed values are so that we can have a conversation about the values of others and white our child wants to take with them as their own values. For example, if their friends believe that they have to get the newest shoes as they come out or the newest clothes, parents might want to question this and findout what their child believes. This will help their child to question the morals and values of those around them as well as the conversations that are being had around them so that they don’t feel like they have to follow the crowd, but rather, stand on their own and have their own beliefs, values, and morals. This will greatly add to their confidence and self-esteem.Parents can ask their child if certain things that they are talking about are important to them as a person now and if they think that it will be important to them as they grow, or if this is just somethingthat is important to their friends, so they canhelp them to distinguish between these two. This is very important to kids in middle school as they are hearing different points of view andperspectives as well as seeing how their friends behave, they can learn that it is okay if they feel a different way, and want to make different choices to hold different things as a higher value than others. For example, ifyour child is not concerned about the newest clothing or shoes, but rather thinks that reading is important and they want to know the newest books that come out and are interested more in that, they can learn from you and receive that validation and support that the way that they feel is exactly how they should feel, and they don’t need to think or act the way that their friends do. This differentiation and individualism will be very important for them as they grow in confidence through high school and their young adult years.
Piaget’sTheory of Cognitive Development
As far as formal operational thinking within Piaget‘s theory, within the ages of 7 to 11 years old, children begin to develop more abstract thinking and hypothesizing, their experiences within their life will likely start to prompt them to utilize their inductive reasoning, which looks like, “My experiences have led me to predict…“ This type of thinking looks like, “in the past when I’ve gone to a new school it’s been scary but it’s fine…” deductive reasoning within the stage of would look like, “foster hair homes in general are supposed to be safe places where I can learn, grow, and hang out until my parents can come and get me,“ so this is the general idea behind deductive reasoning and expecting and predicting outcomes. If things turn out differently than children were expecting, it is important for parents or guardians to have a conversation with them regarding their hopes, fears, and expectations because this helps children to express their feelings while also learning why something hasn’t worked out the way that they predicted, which will help them in the future to be more open and understanding. Basically these conversations will help children to learn how to accommodate situations and feelings when things don’t work out the way you thought they would.
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
10 Essential Tips For Parenting Your Middle School or High School Child
1.Remember that you are a parent and a friend. Kids at this age might act like they want you to be more of a “cool parent“ or a friend more so than a parent. Your child might push you away and ask like they know what’s best for them and their future. They might act like they know how to handle all of the situation’s with her friends. They might act like they don’t want to be around you very much. They also might act like they don’t want you to know what’s going on in their life. However, kids at this age need the space to learn about themselves, who they are and who they want to be, but they also need the comfort and guiding hand of their parent. This is where a balance of being a friend and a parent will be the best mix for raising your middle school or high school age child. In being a mixture of a friend and a parent your child is able to have the stability of having a parent while also creating a deep bond with you as a friend which will carry on throughout their adulthood.
2.Establish reliable together time every single day. This basically means that you need to check in and have a quality conversation with your child every day to see how their day was and see how they are doing. It is up to their parent to make the time every day to establish this time of open and constructive communication. This is when your child will learn that is OK to talk to you about anything on their mind, share things that might have upset them, ask for your advice, or just spend quality time with you that they can count on every day. And having this daily communication, both the child and the parents will become more and more comfortable talking about things openly; which will illuminate some of the uncomfortableness that goes along with difficult conversations or topics that need to be addressed. Try to remember back to when you were in middle school or high school, What types of topics or issues would you have liked to talk to your parents about but we’re either too embarrassed, uncomfortable, and or shameful? These topics might have been more easily discussed if your parents would have been more comfortable having these daily conversations with you. In having an established time and conversation every day, everyone involved can look forward to it, count on it happening, and plan for things to either do or discuss. In maintaining this practice, the bond and relationship with your child will be positively impacted.